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Don't try to avoid confrontation. If you run away, you will feel unresolved anger building up inside you. Pouting and acting like nothing is going on won't solve the problems and will also upset your partner. Your partner may perceive your withdrawal as indifference. If you do not approach the topic clearly, relevant points will come out in the form of ironic remarks and rants.
Timing is important. Do not start an argument before going to bed or before going out anywhere. Arguing in front of relatives, friends, children is a bad idea. If you need an outsider's opinion, don't hesitate to see a therapist. Give yourself time to recover after the argument.
Take the discussion seriously and do not belittle the topic being discussed. Stay away from irony completely. Avoid attacking your partner's personality, environment, or hobbies. Do not threaten your partner with separation or divorce. Stay away from overly generalizing approaches (such as always, never). Try not to overreact and be careful to keep things in perspective.
Announce to your partner the topic you want to discuss and explain clearly what you will discuss. If there are some dynamics behind the apparent issue, state them as well. For example, you will argue over the dishes, part of which has to do with the power dynamics in your relationship.
It is a bad idea to bring up old conflicts and irrelevant things in the discussion. Stay focused and know when to stop or settle.
When resolving disagreements, first try to identify the points you think you have in common. This gives you a good conversation atmosphere.
Communicate clearly what is on your mind to your partner. Don't try to hide your feelings. It's normal to feel emotional, and it's healthy to let those emotions spill out, even if they're negative. Try to tolerate emotional outbursts and support your partner. These vulnerable moments are crucial for mutual support and bonding.
When arguing, criticize your partner's behavior, not their character. Character traits are difficult to change, but behaviors can be changed. For example; Instead of “you are a bad father” you can say “I don't like your relationship with the children, your shouting scares them”.
Try to be a good listener. Avoid jumping to conclusions about your partner. Reflect back to your partner using your own words to make sure you understood them correctly. Reflecting back prevents you from straying from the topic.
Try to understand how your partner sees the issue. Ask your partner how he perceives the situation from his perspective and let him explain. Usually, we focus on our own interpretations of the issue and assume that we know and understand the other party's views, but there is a possibility that we may be wrong. Put yourself in the other party's shoes and accept that your partner has the right to perceive things differently. Even though their ideas may be wrong in your opinion, their feelings are real. Value their feelings.
Complimenting your partner or seeing something they do well can reduce the tension in the environment and make your partner more open to criticism. Tell your partner what you like about him/her. This is especially important for the last part of the discussion. It ensures the transition to a good state before the discussion and turns the discussion into a positive experience.
It is important that the discussion does not turn into a shouting contest where no one is listening to each other. When you feel like you're getting very angry, take a break of at least 20 minutes. When you calm down, continue your conversation.
Be open to compromise. If it is not a very sensitive issue, a compromise can be reached. If you complain that your spouse is sullen for a while when he comes home from work, you may want him to spend this time away from your eyes.
Admit your own mistakes. Take responsibility for your actions. When your partner sees you own up to your mistakes, he or she will understand that you don't blame them for everything and will be less defensive.
Be open to suggestions. Treat the discussion as an opportunity to grow. You're not perfect, and neither is your partner. If arguing is inevitable, why not take it as an opportunity to grow?
Don't leave the argument early by apologizing, appearing to accept your partner's opinion, or taking responsibility for something you didn't do.
Some issues cannot be resolved with just a discussion. Accept that some complex topics need to be talked about over and over again.
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References: dbe.com.tr